Dances with Jesus

I told Drummer boy husband the other day that he’s my click track. (A click track is a device drummers use to help them keep their beat steady.) I was getting ready for bed and it seemed a tidal wave of emotion knocked me over and stole my breath. So in an attempt to recover it (my breath) I started to breathe to the beat of Drummer boy’s heart. It worked. I fell asleep. I told him about it the next day. He smiled. I think he was a bit amused. I love him.

I started thinking about what I will do when another wave comes and he’s not with me. I considered recording his heartbeat and then stuffing it into a “build a bear”, but thought better of that… for obvious reasons.

About 10 or 12 years ago, Drummer boy and I signed up for ballroom dance lessons. We were in the middle of messy and on the advice of our therapist we began weekly date nights. Drummer boy said it was my call…”whatever you want to do honey”. (If I knew how I would insert a smiley face right here.) I loved it. I loved learning to dance with him. It was beautiful. We had to learn the steps first and then the instructor would put on the music. We learned to keep the beat steady throughout the song. We did good. We discovered our rhythm. I wonder...when I don’t have my living breathing click track handy could I just imagine us dancing? Maybe a waltz or better yet the Hustle. The Hustle was my favorite dance…I’m totally an 80’s girl and I'm convinced big hair and shoulder pads are making a comeback.

Last Sunday my Pastor talked about worship. He said it’s about God not about us (me). I’ve been known to have selective hearing when it’s not about me, but I heard him loud and clear that day. It got me thinking. Maybe I should focus my breath on the one who created me. Maybe looking up is what keeps me from falling down. Maybe when the waves come I ride them, knowing my Jesus is controlling the storm. Maybe dancing recklessly for Him keeps my breath and beat steady. Maybe if I allow Him to lead, I will discover my true rhythm. Maybe if I let go of who I am, I will discover who He is. Maybe my courage comes from leaning into His story.

I’m reading a book called King’s Cross by Timothy Keller. (My daughter's small group is reading this and she told me the other night that I should get it. I had it downloaded before we hung up.) He believes: ” God created us to invite us into the dance, to say: If you glorify me, if you center your entire life on me, if you find me beautiful for who I am in myself, then you will step into the dance, which is what you are made for...To serve me unconditionally. That's where you'll find your joy. That's what the dance is about.”

Worshipping is an invitation to the dance.

Joy...irrational, radical, heartleaping joy is found in the dance.

I am made to dance.

Maybe it's in the breathless awe inspiring dance with Jesus that I will find my breath.

I can do this.

I’ve taken dance lessons.